Tuesday, January 17, 2006


Well, for starters, my parents and I took my little Emma-doll to the National Western Stock Show and Rodeo this weekend. YEEE-HAWWW! We had so much fun. I always had this dream of marrying a cowboy and each year when I go to the rodeo I remember why! I think I'm going to suggest next year that in addition to the cow exhibit, the sheep exhibit, the horse exhibit... that they need to have a cowboy exhibit. We get to talk to and pet the animals, so why not the cowboys? Okay, I'm KIDDING!!!! Sort of. Okay, I'm not kidding.

Anyway, there really is this soft spot in my heart for all things cowboy-ish, right down to the cute little black boots Emma was wearing. How ridiculous is it that I started crying when the rodeo started? I was hoping my mom and dad wouldn't look over and notice that I was all teary. There's just something about the sounds and the smells (ooohhh how I love the smell of cow manure - no, really!) that just makes me so happy and makes me feel all romantic or something. It makes sense in my head.

In other news... we had company over Sunday night. They're dear friends of ours, but we don't get together with them very often. I really don't think they'd ever leave judging us at all, but I felt like a mommy-failure by the time they left. We offered their 20-month old son juice - "Oh, we don't give our son juice. He only drinks water." Strike one. It was too late to explain that we water Emma's down. A ton. So then we urged Emma to play with him, and she ran over and turned on the TV. Strike two. So I'm making the pasta and boiled it over. Okay, not a big deal, it's just that that's when they caught the fact that I was making Pasta-Roni. Oh yeah, that's right, Pasta-Roni. I'm no Martha Stewart. I don't cook. "Pasta-Roni?" our guests commented. "I don't think they sell that at Whole Foods." Strike Three. Follow all of that with a night of out-of-control Emma and I just breathed a sigh of relief when they left!

I don't know what Emma's deal is lately, but I'm about ready to ask if I can trade my two-year-old in for two one-year-olds. Do they make deals like that? Seriously, I don't know what to do with her. I'm taking a great parenting class right now that talks about the freedoms that are appropriate for each age, and I'm afraid we've been giving Emma more freedoms than she can handle and now we're paying for it. I need to process all I've learned, but I'm pretty sure we've dug ourselves a hole that's gonna take a lot of work and perseverance to get out of. But we can do it. Last night was the struggle that broke Gary and I. After hours of her crying and screaming because she didn't want to go to bed, we just looked at each other feeling so helpless and out of patience! As I lay (laid? layed? lied?)in bed last night chewing over the day and reviewing my options as to how to control my little girl, I committed to praying for her every day. I pray for her now, but I need to be more intentional about it because I can't do this on my own. If I do my part, I'm confident I'll begin to see changes in her... and me.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Take Two

I just started over. I had this whole thing written and then thought, "This is lame!" Seriously... who wants a play by play of my day? Not even I do! So enough of that... I'm just going to write some random thoughts.

Emma's favorite new phrase: "Wight Dare" - that's "Right There" for those unfamiliar with Emma-speak. She doesn't talk a lot still, but she's talking more every day. Today I heard "wight dare" a million times. The chicken nugget goes "wight dare"... her shoes go "wight dare"... Addie should go "wight dare"... the puzzle piece goes "wight dare"... I love it.

She came downstairs yesterday morning and saw Gary's big book on the table that he left behind and didn't take to class. She said, "Oh no!" She lugged this big, heavy book to the front door yelling, "Daddy! Wait! Daddy! Wait!" The day before it was his shoes - "Daddy! Wait! Shoes!" (This hours after he'd left.) Oh, sweet Emma! I just had to scoop her up and hug her.

Oh! Proud moment of the YEAR... Yesterday morning I got Emma settled in at the table for breakfast and ran upstairs to get Addie who was crying. I came back down and sat on the couch to nurse Addie when I looked over at the table and noticed Emma hadn't begun eating yet. She said, "Mommy, sit!" and I told her I would come over and eat in a minute. At that point she folded her hands, bowed her head and said something only she and God will ever understand, followed by "May-men." My heart just soared!

One last thought: As I got dressed this morning, I looked at my ho-hum closet and REALLY wish I could afford to do a whole wardrobe makeover - everything either looks the same or is old and out of style. So I threw on my old jeans (no complaint there) and half-zip fleece. My tennies completed my ensemble. Blah. And then it dawned on me that this was the outfit I was wearing about two years ago when I went out for a day of errands. I only remember because I went into the Gap that day and a lady who worked there looked me up and down and said, "Oh honey, you really should get some new clothes. You're a new mom but you don't have to dress like one." SHEESH! Feeling bad enough about myself that day, she pressured me into getting a Gap credit card (doh!), along with a few items I shouldn't have afforded (and later returned). I left the store that day in tears, determined to call Gap to complain and cancel the card. I laughed this morning when I remembered that. Oh, those first fragile weeks of motherhood. So then today... I walk into the Gap. This all-too-familiar voice from behind me says, "I see it's time to freshen up your wardrobe... can I help you find something?" EEE-GADS! It was her. I knew I should've called...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

It's official

Well... here we go!

I'm not sure why I suddenly decided TONIGHT that I needed to start a blog. I'm tired. It's late. I have nothing interesting to say. But who knows; maybe this will be just the outlet I need. I've always kind of thought blogs were kind of silly... why would you want someone reading your personal thoughts? But then I started reading some, and I take back all my negative blog thoughts. No, really! Some make me laugh, some make me really think, and some just inspire my creative side which I've really gotten a lot of joy from in the past year.

So, we'll see. I'm a blogger now... it's official.


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