Monday, August 09, 2010

I'm about to have a baby

My unintended absence from the Land of Blog has meant that this pregnancy has not been properly documented, and therefore, this last child might feel neglected and unloved years from now when he/she finds this blog in the attic, dusts it off, and finds that his/her life in utero was hardly discussed!

But, dear last child, that is certainly not the case. Here are a few thoughts I've been having in these last days - and hopefully hours - before you are born.

First of all, I'm two days past your due date. Is it really that awesome in there? We'd like to meet you. Your sisters and brother are anxious to see who you are, and quite frankly, I'd rather hold you on the outside than on the inside. Please be born soon. I'm not usually one to complain, but my back hurts, I'm super uncomfortable, these contractions that I've been having for weeks aren't that fun, and we're all getting rather impatient. It's time, little baby.

And I'm kind of losing my mind waiting for you. Nesting is one thing, but I get these crazy hairs and impulsive ideas. The other night, just one or two nights before your due date, I felt FRANTIC about crocheting you a blanket. At 11:00 at night. Thankfully your daddy talked me down from my crazy perch and I didn't begin something I couldn't finish. Although, given that you have yet to make your grand appearance, maybe I could have! But also, my priorities seem a little out of whack. While packing a hospital bag might seem like a great idea at this point, the other day it seemed far more important to make a couple loaves of banana bread. And organize kitchen cabinets. And clean windows. While it's great that I organized the cardstock in my nearly-abandoned craft room the other day, I realized shortly afterwards that getting you some diapers would be really helpful.

Just so you know, you're all set now: newborn diapers are ready to go, clothes is washed and ready to snuggle up in, and my bag is (mostly) packed. Please come soon!

Your daddy and think you're the final piece to our family. God has really given me a peace about that this entire pregnancy. Instead of feeling sad with each last pregnancy milestone, I've really felt content that "this is it." Of course, if God places on our hearts that we're meant to have another child, we'll listen! But for now, it's exciting to think that YOU are the finishing touch on our family. I've really tried to savor each kick and craving, and have even tried to appreciate all of the hard things about pregnancy. This is a special time that I probably won't experience again! I love delivering my babies, so I'm looking forward to "one last" special delivery, and praying that I can remember and soak in every detail. Daddy will probably be quick to remind me of every negative aspect of this pregnancy (because honestly, it's been the least enjoyable - I think because I'm just getting older and my body is tired of this!), but I really feel like God's answered my prayers for contentment in this being my final pregnancy. I'm thankful for that!

One thing I have stressed out about is that I never got "professional" maternity photos with any of our kids. While there is no shortage of snapshots of my big belly, there aren't any of those dreamy black-and-white images of my swollen figure, heart-shaped fingers around my belly button, or Gary and I lovingly gazing at my huge tummy. I think I'm honestly okay with that, but feel guilty whenever I see someone else's amazing pictures. On that note, we've never had professional pictures taken of our babies. So in my nesting frenzy, I spent hours sifting through Etsy for the perfect outfit for a newborn photo shoot, or an adorable photo-prop hat (like how cute is this?! I might have gotten it if I could've decided on a color combination!). In the end, I didn't buy anything, and realized that it's not all about perfect pictures. I think that while I'm content with this being "it" and bringing closure to our family, I'm realizing the things I haven't done. I wonder why Mommy Guilt is suddenly rearing it's ugly head?

More than anything, I'm just excited to hold another newborn baby and have the chance to mold and shape another life. Our kids bring us so much joy and laughter, and it is so rewarding to see them learn and grow each day. One of my favorite things is seeing my kids interact with one another and love each other. Our family is far from perfect and we have our share of issues, but we are blessed beyond measure and I'm so eager to bring another little life into our home. The Lord has given us just what we need to survive and thrive each day until now, and I know that He will continue to provide and sustain us.

So, little baby girl or little baby boy, it's time! Come out and meet your family. My bag is packed, the camera is charged, your clothes are washed, the big sister/brother gifts are ready to be doled out, and diapers are bought. No, we haven't settled on a name yet, and you might not have a mommy-made blanket, but we can work on those things after you get here.

We love you already!


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