And the tears started coming. I've been a little weepy all day, in fact.
I cried first thing this morning when I received sweet emails from a friend who I miss so much.
I cried when I remembered that one year ago today, I received news that my friend Joanne had had a life-changing stroke. And I cried when I thought back on the past year. Tears of thankfulness that she's still with us, and tears of compassion for the trials she's endured this year.
I cried out of frustration mid-morning when Chloe would not stop crying and throwing herself on the floor in fits. I felt like such a big baby crying right along with her, but I was at a complete loss. I was probably the one who really wanted to take a nap at that point, but decided to put her down instead. Lucky girl.
I cried when Gary called home late this morning. Poor Gary, he didn't say a thing to earn those tears. Those ones just happened. I tried to explain why I was crying, and he responded with, "You want out of our family? Our marriage? Out of being a mom? I don't understand..." I smiled through my tears and said, "Nooo, not 'I want out' - I'm WORN out!" BIG difference!
But then I cried again after lunch as I helped a new friend process her grief after losing her baby recently when she was 18-weeks along. My tears were stirred by memories of my own baby Joshua, and for the heartache I know she feels.
I cried later this afternoon when parenting seemed too much to handle. I feel so inadequate to do this mom thing sometimes.
I cried when Gary stopped by home in the midst of his busy Wednesday and helped me deal with our kids for a few minutes. Tears flowed as I watched one of my beloved children wrestle with matters of the heart. Oh, how I need the Lord's strength and direction with this little one.
Finally, just before I set out to tell this tale of my tears, I read another message from a friend. This time, tears of joy came as I read great news of a sustained pregnancy. Tears filled my eyes as I thanked the Lord for answering prayer in bigger ways than we imagine.
I'm glad today is just about over, because I'm a little tired of all the crying. I wouldn't even say it was a bad day. It was just a day filled with reminders over and over again of how we just can't do life without Jesus. Just can't.
And now, I'm thankful that tomorrow is a new day.
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22, 23