Wednesday, January 11, 2012


The kids are finally in bed, and I just collapsed on the couch for the first moment of not being "on" all day.

And the tears started coming.  I've been a little weepy all day, in fact.

I cried first thing this morning when I received sweet emails from a friend who I miss so much.

I cried when I remembered that one year ago today, I received news that my friend Joanne had had a life-changing stroke.  And I cried when I thought back on the past year.  Tears of thankfulness that she's still with us, and tears of compassion for the trials she's endured this year.

I cried out of frustration mid-morning when Chloe would not stop crying and throwing herself on the floor in fits.  I felt like such a big baby crying right along with her, but I was at a complete loss.  I was probably the one who really wanted to take a nap at that point, but decided to put her down instead.  Lucky girl.

I cried when Gary called home late this morning.  Poor Gary, he didn't say a thing to earn those tears.  Those ones just happened.  I tried to explain why I was crying, and he responded with, "You want out of our family?  Our marriage?  Out of being a mom?  I don't understand..."  I smiled through my tears and said, "Nooo, not 'I want out' - I'm WORN out!"  BIG difference!

But then I cried again after lunch as I helped a new friend process her grief after losing her baby recently when she was 18-weeks along.  My tears were stirred by memories of my own baby Joshua, and for the heartache I know she feels.

I cried later this afternoon when parenting seemed too much to handle.  I feel so inadequate to do this mom thing sometimes.

I cried when Gary stopped by home in the midst of his busy Wednesday and helped me deal with our kids for a few minutes.  Tears flowed as I watched one of my beloved children wrestle with matters of the heart.  Oh, how I need the Lord's strength and direction with this little one.

Finally, just before I set out to tell this tale of my tears, I read another message from a friend.  This time, tears of joy came as I read great news of a sustained pregnancy.  Tears filled my eyes as I thanked the Lord for answering prayer in bigger ways than we imagine.

I'm glad today is just about over, because I'm a little tired of all the crying.  I wouldn't even say it was a bad day.  It was just a day filled with reminders over and over again of how we just can't do life without Jesus.  Just can't.

And now, I'm thankful that tomorrow is a new day.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22, 23


  1. Girl, it's a good thing we don't live near each other. Because yesterday I don't think the world could have stood us both - haha. Hang in there. God sees and He knows. I'm counting on that for myself. :)

  2. Wish I lived closer to hand you a tissue and give you a hug. How like the Lord to allow your day of tears and reminders to end with tears of joy and thankfulness for His faithfulness. Praying for strength for you in this day, whatever it holds, and that He will refresh your heart in the midst of it all.

  3. Oh Angie- you made me cry just reading how hard your day was. Seriously. I am crying. I am so sorry. So so sorry for everything.

  4. I love you, cousin! You're a wonderful mother and those kiddos are SO lucky to have you and Gary as parents!
    Thanks for being so vulnerable and open, you touch so many lives through God's word. I'm so proud to call you family! Hang in there! xoxo

  5. This is such a touching post, thank you for sharing! I can totally relate to the just being "worn out" not "wanting out" emotions. And what a great reminder to rely on Jesus through all of ups and downs, you are an inspiration :)


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