It's not my wedding anniversary. No, that's in September. And I wasn't married at the tender age of 13.
It is... {I can't believe I'm even blogging about this} ... the 17th anniversary of me entering womanhood. There. I said it.
If you are a guy reading this, and you even made it to this sentence after reading the last one, I'm asking you nicely to just click out of my blog now. For your sake. I've no shame.
A few months ago, I made a mental note to write a celebratory post in honor of my BFF -since-3rd-grade's anniversary of womanhood, but forgot. It was January 7th, lest you forget, friend. I was hoping that posting about it on the world wide web might get you back for plastering my locker with pads over the years on my anniversary. That was so SUPER! sweet of you.
I won't give away all the details of the moment I first discovered that womanhood had arrived. I mean, probably my story isn't all that different than most girls'. Besides, my description would be merely words and wouldn't include the rosy color and sweet music that accompanies that memory in my mind. (Not.)
What I will tell you is that my parents gave me roses and a sweet card to congratulate me. Some people find it strange, but I guess looking back it's sweet. At the time, it was very embarrassing. And I don't embarrass easily.
What I'll also tell you, is that Kathleen (the aforementioned BFF who is clearly a month more womanly than myself) and I had a whole "code" for our periods and anything period related. We had watched a very innocent video hosted by "Annie" about puberty in our 4-H club. You know, red-curly-afro Annie. Even as naive and innocent as we were, we thought it was SO cheesy.
She started out by belting, "The sun'll come out... tomorrow!" and transitioned awkwardly into talking about our bodies and our periods. The movie Annie has never been quite the same, let me tell you. From there began years of metaphors that only we had the key to understanding.The sun = our periods
Clouds = premenstrual cramps
Ozone = pads (protection from the sun)
Pollution = tampons (because at 13, those seem like deadly, life-sucking things you don't want anywhere near you)
Atmosphere = undies
Forgive me, Kath, for giving up this guarded code! What am I missing?
Clouds = premenstrual cramps
Ozone = pads (protection from the sun)
Pollution = tampons (because at 13, those seem like deadly, life-sucking things you don't want anywhere near you)
Atmosphere = undies
Forgive me, Kath, for giving up this guarded code! What am I missing?
Okay. So let me invite you into our world. Here's a typical conversation from our Jr. High days:
Sunny (this is the nickname she earned on that fateful day 17 years ago): Hmm. I think the sun's about to come out.
Me: Really? Why?
Sunny: It's just really cloudy today.
Me: Well, do you have ozone? You need to protect the atmosphere, you know.
Sunny: No, only pollution!
Me: Oh no! Let's hope it stays overcast until tomorrow.
Is it any wonder we were so POPULAR in jr. high? Don't all junior high girls love talking about meteorology?
So here's to me, to Kathleen, and to every woman out there. Happy Anniversary, whenever it might be.
And I'm glad that despite living in Colorado, I do not have 300 days of sunshine a year. *shudder*
OK, that was hilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteYou opened the door so here's my story... :)
"Myrna" visited me the day I left for a 2 week horse camp at a place that only had latrines! My mom and I were just laughing over how on our way up to camp we stopped at a King Soopers and I pulled her over to the 'aisle' and pointed and said that I needed some of these... She was mortified that I had not told her and I was about to leave! I still went to camp but I had a whole trunk load of every single femenine hygiene product that was made at that time... She would write me at camp and ask how Myrna was doing- was she mean? did she need anything? was I doing ok being her friend? etc, etc...
Happy anniversary!
:) amber
ROFLMBO!! You crack me UP!
ReplyDeleteAh... precious memories, how they linger... :)
You are hilarious Angie! I have NO idea what my anniversary is. But I do have memories of "Are you there, God, it's me, Margaret"...that ultra cheesy book about that whole thing.
ReplyDeleteAnd....I was just looking at your new listing of blog friends and I think I'm the only one with a boring blog name, I think I need to get a little more creative. :-) I like how you listed them, it's fun to see what people name their blogs.
Happy Anniversary! I did not forget... well, in theory I did not. I made a mental note last week that I needed to give you a call and sing you a little song today. We may be the only friends that remember each other's anniversaries into womanhood(let alone our own...).
ReplyDeleteAlas, I "missed" the big day, so now it's just a blog comment. But way to bust out with our secret code. I think you got all of the big things--at least all that I can remember. And I suppose I do deserve this after the anniversary present I left you oh-so-long ago. Man... 17 years?!
Miss you tons, friend! Thanks for the SUPER! laugh and trip down memory lane. :)
All my love,
Sunny
I found this post to be hilarious. How funny that you remembered the date. I'm weird about remembering dates and stuff, and I remember "the sun coming out" around Thanksgiving for me, but you crack me up. That song had me laughing out loud!
ReplyDeleteHope your day is blessed!!!
I am laughing so hard I am crying! But I too remember "my date". How could I forget - Valentines Day 27 years ago (now I feel really old). I was at a youth group function at church and I was wearing red velvet knickers (do you even remember knickers - they were popular in the 80's and the precursor to todays capris). Anyway - I started quietly freaking out wondering what I was going to do when I got the bright idea to use TP in my underpants. Unfortunately that only works for a short time. When my Dad (why not Mom????) picked me up I had to tell him that he was going to have to stop at the store and buy me 'supplies' because I was now a woman. (HA) I remember he looked at me up and down and just said 'GREAT' and 'At least you already have red on.' (Thanks Dad)
ReplyDeleteSo I've had this post up on my computer ALL DAY waiting for a moment when I wasn't holding the baby so I could type my comment.
ReplyDeleteAnd then my husband walks into the room tonight and starts to read what's on my screen.
"Don't read that!" I warned him.
He read anyway.
And then his head exploded.
You COMPLETELY cracked me up with this post. I have no idea when I became a woman. Seriously, I don't even remember how old I was. But your story, complete with Annie references? It makes me wish I could recall more of those glory junior high years.
(My favorite story about this topic came from a girl who was in my small group when I was a high school youth group leader. She was the third of four girls in her family, so when she ended up in the bathroom with the realization that her life was about to change, she screamed, "MOM! I need you!" Her father - naturally - came to the bathroom door, quite concerned.
"Kara, what's wrong? What do you need, honey?"
"Just. Get. Mom."
He went to the stairs and yelled down to his wife, "Honey! Can you come upstairs, please? Our daughter has become a woman!"
She says she didn't speak to or look at her father for at least two weeks after that.)
Congratulations on the Anniversary! I will never ever be able to look at Annie the same! Well I hope the sun will not come out for a long while for you and when it does that it is a crystal clear cloudless day with enough ozone and pollution to make it through the whole sunny day.
ReplyDeleteWe should come out with greeting cards for this particular anniversary!
P.S. You inspired my blog tonight!
ReplyDeleteToo funny! And to think, I had been trying to forget that awful day... I should have been celebrating it! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteOMGOSH. Funniest post ever! ROFL!!
ReplyDeleteYou just keep outdoing yourself. :)
My BFF & I used to call it George.
"George is here today"
"I hope George doesn't show up when we go to the beach"
We clearly were not nearly as creative as you & your BFF.
Hilarious! Thank you for sharing that (painful as it may have been). ;)
ReplyDeleteThis was HILARIOUS! Thanks so mcuh for the laugh! I don't know the exact date of my anniversary, I just know it is in February, the month before I turned 16. (Yes, I was freakishly old and underdeveloped. Come to think of it, I got the period but the boobs never really came. Dangit.) Your blog is always good for a laugh- thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up! I don't remember the date either, but we were living in England at the time--and my mother was on vacation in America and I was all alone. I wrote her a letter to tell her and she found it not too long ago. I immediately threw it away--still embarrassed after those years--but now I kinda wish I'd kept it...!
ReplyDeleteSee you in the morning,
Joanne
P.S. It SNOWED this afternoon! But it stopped and after checking the forecast like a hundred times, I'm just going to let it go.
This cracked me up! I don't remember my anniversary either, maybe I would have if I had received a card and flowers too. Oh well. Congratulations once again on such a momentous occasion.
ReplyDeleteLOL! You seriously crack me up. :) Happy Anniversary!
ReplyDeleteI just had my 20th anniversary this past December! Thanks for sharing the funniest stuff - it makes me wish I wrote down more of my memories. I remember that my BFF was 10 months older than me and I couldn't tell her I started before her so I had to wait 2 months! She finally got "Aunt Flo" in February and we both got to be excited for each other. I'm pretty sure I lied and told her I started the same month she did...
ReplyDeleteAngie, I've lost my comment! I don't know what I did wrong, but my witty, pithy statements are gone. Oh well.
ReplyDeleteI can't remember what I said, something along the lines of the previous comments.
Instead of flowers to celebrate my womanhood, I was taken out for dessert with my mom, my aunts, and grandma. I remember being a bit embarrassed at the time, but later on I really appreciated the marking of the passage.
Oh, I also wanted to tell you that you are practically perfect in every way. I can frame that for you if you need proof for Emma.:)
Oh, that is so funny and so twisted at the same time.
ReplyDeleteIn high school we used to say "My uncle with the red suitcase is coming to visit." ??
I have spent much of the morning catching up on your blog! This is HILARIOUS!!!! I also will never view Annie the same! She is supposed to be the Daddy-Warbucks'-not-having-a-period-little-girl!!!! HAHAHAHAHA
ReplyDeleteThe codes ya'll made up are so funny! If only me and my friends had these codes back then!!!
Two words: Aunt Flo... that is all! :)
ReplyDelete