Got snow?

We've got lots.

And lots.

And lots!

We are loving the results of this Colorado blizzard! These pictures are from two days ago, but we look out today and have a BRIGHT blue sky and sparkling white snow. It's beautiful everywhere you look. The girls love it (and I do too). I'm so thankful it forced us to stay home. It's been a rich few days!

The stocking situation

This is one of my most favorite recent Christmas stories... and one of Gary's least favorite. LOL! I think it's so cute; I'm not sure why he doesn't...

Expectations... we all have these expectations of what Christmas will be like from year to year, and our first married Christmas was no different. Gary and I had talked about Christmases growing up, and determined that nearly all of our traditions were very similar if not the same! WHEW! What a relief.

So Christmas morning came in our tiny little apartment, with our meager little tree and a few presents waiting to be opened. It was so fun and quiet. Then it was time to open the stockings... one of the most anticipated part for both of us growing up! My mom was always so good at finding the most special little trinkets for my sisters and I - yummy chapstick, cute little pads of paper, fun pens, earrings... girly stuff. Frivilous, fun, fancy-free kind of stuff! As I began opening my stocking, I was so completely disappointed.

Toothpaste.

Razors.

Tweezers.

Toothbrush.

DEODORANT.

Barely married three months, was I to take this as a personal hygiene hint?! I thought it was a joke.

But imagine Gary's surprise as he opened his stocking only to find golf balls, golf tees, new pens, nails, and other manly fun-type things. His disappointment? He was fully expecting - and hoping for! - toiletries.

In an O. Henry kind of twist, we both looked at each other in stunned silence before realizing that we failed to iron out the details of some of our lifelong traditions. After getting over our initial shock, we were able to giggle about it, although I think we both secretly longed for our mom's special stocking touch.

So now, we've merged our traditions and do a little bit of both the practical and the fun. My girls have both toothbrushes and Tinkerbell stickers in their stockings this year. And I wouldn't want it any other way!

Although... sometimes I do wonder if Gary just raids my cabinet upstairs. :)

I need to REST!

Today was a nightmare. One of those days I insisted I wouldn't have this Christmas season. After a horrific morning here at home (I was reduced to tears twice, and locked myself in the closet once just to scream. How's that for good tidings?), I decided the girls and I needed to get out of here. We ran around to a couple of stores shopping for more things we don't need and in the process had several tantrums, lost one of Addie's shoes (my favorite pair, nonetheless), and completely missed the nap window. What a proud moment it was during one of the girls' spats when a woman (my age, probably) turned to her friend and said, "Doesn't it make you want to have kids?" to which her friend quickly replied, "NO!" I wanted to sink into the floor.

But when I got back into the car and remembered I had my favorite Christmas CD in there, everything came rushing to me and I was reduced to tears once again. Christmas will still go on if I don't have the perfect presents for everyone, with the perfect bows and wrapping. I don't need to be out running last minute errands with everyone else when I could be at home enjoying the season and slowing down with my girls. As my favorite Christmas songs played, I couldn't help but tear up and realize that once again I've lost sight of Christmas, just as I vow not to do at the end of every Christmas season. "Next year will be different..."

Last week at our MOPS brunch, my friend Lucy spoke a poignant message to us. She told us that Christmas shouldn't be about STRESS... but instead about REST. (Rearrange a few letters... see?) She gave us an anagram for REST -

R: Remember... remember the reason for Christmas (JESUS!), remember Christmas pasts, remember to rest!

E: Enjoy... enjoy the season. There's so much beauty in traditions, history, family, snow, and most of all, the Christmas story. If we don't enjoy it, we miss it.

S: Simplify... learn to say "no" to some of our obligations. What can we do without this year? Maybe it's just cutting out something we feel burdened to "get done" during the Christmas season. This season, I decided to not decorate the outside of my house, save for a wreath on the door. It feels good seeing those bags of garland, knowing that don't HAVE to be put up. Probably no one cares but me anyway! And Gary isn't too upset that I'm not having him put up outside lights, either. :) We haven't taken our family Christmas photo for our cards yet, and if we don't, that's okay too!

T: Treasure... treasure the moments of the season and treasure the GIFT of Christmas: Jesus! Lucy also reminded us that the magical years of little ones and the joy in their faces during Christmas doesn't last forever, so treasure it now. I'm glad tomorrow's a new day so I can start over and treasure my girls. I did NOT treasure them today! LOL

I keep thinking, "Okay, once I have Christmas 'done' then I can sit and enjoy it." I think I've realized today that that's just stupid. Christmas was 'done' a long, long time ago. To think I can do anything to make it any better or more perfect is foolish. God gave us the gift of his Son. He came to earth as a man... as a baby. What can be more perfect? That conjures up so many things in my mind. It's such a wonderful, touching story and I'm ashamed that I'm not more eager to share it. My favorite Christmas songs from that CD are all wrought with so much emotion for me (well, almost... Barbra Streisand's version of Jingle Bells is just fun, maybe not so emotional! :) ), that it really gets me thinking about Christmas and its meaning. Maybe I'll write about that in the next couple days. Music really speaks to me during the Christmas season!

Anyway... I don't think anyone ever reads this, but if you're reading, I hope you take time to REST. Let me know how it goes for you! :)

Fragile

I gave my girls baths tonight. I just LOVE watching them play in the tub together. Yes, there are moments that give me headaches, but the moments when they make each other laugh are the ones I live for. There is nothing more precious than the sound of their giggles. Anyway... after I got them all squeaky clean and smelling yummy, it was time for jammies and hair brushing. I started brushing Emma's hair and it was a wee bit tangled, and she said, "Ow! Mommy, be gentle. I'm fragile." Yes, Emma, you are!

I want to remember that she's fragile all the time. I think sometimes I'm not careful with my words or tone or even my hands. Of course I don't hurt her or even think about hurting her in any way, but I just want to be a more gentle person. I catch myself speaking in such harsh tones sometimes. Or speaking quickly and thoughtlessly to her without care. Or literally pushing her aside when something else needs my attention. How can I be this way? She knows without a doubt that I love her and would do anything for her, I just don't want there to be any room for question, ever. Lord, please help me to remember that Emma is YOURS, and is fragile. Every part of her! Her cute little body, her tender heart, and her fragile spirit. Even her tangled hair. :)

Geek alert

So my sister and I got in a "fight" on Thanksgiving Day while watching the Macy's Parade together over the phone. (No, that's NOT the geek alert part.) I say "fight", but it's important to know that I was laughing when I got off the phone with her, but I think she was quite serious about it. In a nutshell, I hung up on her (in jest!) when she called me a band geek (hello, I was in band like 12 years ago), and then she was furious that I would hang up on her, kidding or not. Everything was fine and dandy when we saw each other later that day, but apparently, I am (or was) a band geek.

Fine.

But, I confess...

I've been dying to play my flute lately. Maybe it's the Nutcracker music I have playing through my house 24/7. I went online to see if they had music I could buy. I'd love to pull that dusty old flute case out from under my bed and play a tune. I remember how, and I'm itching to do it. Does this make me a geek?

If I do it, I promise I won't geek out like I did in this lovely photo from back in "the day."

Okay, it's a little hard to see. That's my dad mowing the lawn, me playing my flute, my sister Amy "directing" me with a baton (despite the fact she's BEHIND me), and Abby waving the huge flag in back. What a riot!


If that's too hard to see, how about this one?


Same order (minus dad - he took the picture!), but fast forward about 13 years! Yes, we're having a 4th of July parade in the backyard. This time, I'm pregnant. Yep, that's still Abby in the back. NOW who's a geek?!?!?

Well, geek or not, it might be time to whip out my flute. I'm longing to play some Christmas songs!

Emma's Wish List

I'm horrible at doing this! Maybe I'll hop on the bandwagon again. Maybe I'll go find one of those blog challenges to keep me on top of this!

I just have to post this list and a couple of pictures so I don't forget. Afterall, originally I intended this blog to keep track of some of the silly anecdotes that take place around here. So...

Before Emma's birthday, we asked her what she wanted. Her list was simple: a red toy, a yellow bear, a box and cheese. Okay! Thinking it was a fluke, we asked her several times in the following weeks and kept getting the same response! So funny. We have no idea how she formulated such a bizarre list in her head.

Well, thanks to Aunt Abby, her wishes were fulfilled! Emma is such a ham. She was so serious about that list, and THRILLED with each part of Abby's gift.

In other Emma news, I've decided I've GOT to put a stop to my new yelling habit. It's embarrassing to admit that I've become a yeller, but it's true. So the other morning I decided to try the quiet voice approach, and started talking to and reprimanding Emma in a very quiet voice. She promptly stopped what she was doing, looked at me with a very quizzical look and said, "Mommy! What's wrong with you?!" Was this a good or bad reaction? Doh!

Random stuff

My friend Michelle was visiting a few weeks ago... I was so spoiled to see her FOUR times in a week. The last few days I wanted so badly just to call her spur-of-the-moment and meet at the park or go take a hike or stroll around the mall. Oh well... maybe someday we'll get that chance again. In the meantime we'll have to make the most of her short visits! I miss her sweet heart.

This is a picture of Michelle and our kiddos (minus Carson who was a bit camera-shy) on a little hike. What fun!


Emma randomly decided yesterday that she now likes to sing. For almost 2 years now I've been singing to her hoping that she might attempt to sing along. No such luck! She always just sits and looks at me like I'm crazy. Well, all my silly singing finally paid off yesterday. She's been listening, because she knows the words and the tunes to songs. What a nut. She put on quite a show for us tonight. She is such a funny little girl.

I really wish I had some licorice to eat right now. It sounds good.

My sister had a GREAT ultrasound today. Her teensy weensy baby actually looks like a baby. What a miracle. God is SO GOOD. I'm so excited for her I can hardly stand it! I think about her baby all the time. I admit, it sort of gives me baby fever... but we're holding off another 4-6 months or so. (Gosh! That seems soon! Yikes.)

I'm thinking I really want to go to Nashville for the MOPS convention. Maybe someone will leave $500 at my door.

Maybe Gary will let me leave for awhile tomorrow to go Scrapbook! Aahhhh... wouldn't that be nice?

I'm really tired and I should go to bed, but my mind is flooded with random thoughts.

I have so many ideas in my head about projects I want to do and doodles I want to make and books I want to write and pictures I want to paint. Where in the world am I going to get the time and energy to do it all?

I started doing Turbo Jam... but SHHHH. Don't tell. Let's see if anyone can tell the difference.

Scratch the licorice... now I want chocolate ice cream. Nothing fancy, just plain old yummy chocolate. Delish.

Goodnight! :)

Mousecapades

The other day I loaded the girls up in the car and ran back inside to get something. A came back out a few seconds later and Emma was laughing...

"What's so funny, Emma?"

"I saw a mouse!"

Now, hold it. Yes, we've had mice in our garage before and I hate them. They give me the creeps. I admit that maybe they're a tiny bit cute, but mostly I hate them. I don't like not knowing where they are and having them surprise me as they run from one corner to the other. And I really loathe mouse poop. Finding surprise piles of it in corners of my basement or garage really irks me. I seriously get chills and find myself paralyzed. I literally have to calm myself down, take a deep breath and just back my way upstairs when I spot it in the basement. (I know - get over it.) So anyway, I thought maybe, just maybe she was making it up. Although I wasn't totally sure that she'd actually seen a mouse, I didn't doubt it either. I just thought we'd killed them all with the rat poison...

"You saw a MOUSE? WHERE?"
(still giggling) "Over there!"

That's when she pointed to the yellow box of rat poison. I was not happy. Now I didn't think there was any way she was making this up.

"Mommy, it played peek-a-boo with me!"

OH GREAT. Now I knew she'd seen one. With it's head bobbing up and down or scurrying back and forth, of course she thought it was playing peek-a-boo! I was not thrilled. I quickly dismissed it, because I didn't want her to catch on to my fear of mice. As we pulled out of the garage, she sighed and said, "Mommy, I love the mouse." Great.

But then today...

We were loading up in the car and Emma asked, "Where my mouse is?" I said I didn't know, to which she replied, "Mommy, find it!"

I took a deep breath and said, "Emma, Mommy doesn't like mice. Sorry."

She gently put her hand on my face while I buckled her in and said, "Don't be afraid, Mommy. The mouse is friendly!"

Ohhhhhhhhhh sweet, innocent Emma. I laughed so hard.

AND I STILL HATE MICE.

I can't see my pork!

A collection of today's conversations with my sweet little 2 year old:

(Emma received a sheet of temporary tattoo transfers at WalMart today. It features the characters from Over the Hedge.)
Emma: Mommy, I have a 'too?
Me: Yes, but then you have to go right to bed. Promise?
Emma: Yes, Mommy. Promise.
(I rubbed on the porcupine tattoo, with a soundtrack of oooo's and aaahhh's in my ear.)
Emma: Woooooooowww!
Me: Okay, Emma, now it's time for bed. Good night!
Emma: Mommy! Don't cover my pork!
Me: It'll be fine, Emma. Goodnight.
Emma: Okay. Goodnight, Mama. Goodnight, Pork.
(As I'm next door in Addie's room, I hear...)
Emma: I can't see my pork!
(pause)
Emma: Where's my pork?!
(I re-entered her room and turned on the light.)
Emma (looking at her hand): My pork! Mommy, you have a pork too?

I was trying so hard not to crack up... it time to sleep!!! (And it was 9:45!) Why was that so funny to me?

- - - - -

(In the car, on the way home from the mall tonight... I'm digging around in the change compartment for money for the toll road.)
Emma: What you lookin' for, Mama?
Me: Money, so we can go on the fast road.
Emma: Ohhhh.
Me: But I don't think we have enough.
Emma: Oh well. We'll look in Daddy's pockets.
Me: Oh... Daddy has all the money in his pockets?
Emma: Yes, Mommy.
Me: Well, Daddy is rich!
Emma: No, Daddy is Gary.

- - - - -

Emma: Mommy, sing the ABC song.
Me: Okay, let's do it together.
Emma: No, it's too hard.
Me: Well then, I'll sing a little bit and then it can be your turn.
Emma: Okay.
Me: "A, B, C, D"
Emma: (silence)
Me: Emma! It's your turn. Copy me! "A, B, C, D"
Emma: Mooooo!
Me: "E, F, G"
Emma: Moooo!
Me: "H, I, J, K"
Emma: Moooo!
Me: Emma, why are you mooo-ing?
Emma: I just like to moo. It will be okay.

- - - - -

(in the car earlier today)
Emma: Go faster, Mama!
Me: I can't, Emma. If I go too fast, I'll get in trouble.
Emma: In trouble?
Me: Yes. The police say I have to go slow here. No speeding!
Emma: No speeding, Mama! Where the police officer? (I was surprised she knew to say police officer!)
Me: Well, they're just driving around. Maybe we'll see one.
Emma: I look for the police officer. (She held her hands around her eyes like binoculors.) Nope!... Nope!... Nope!... Nope!...Nope!... Go faster, Mama!

- - - - -

It's soooo fun that Emma is talking more and more. I still can't believe it. Just two or three months ago she really wasn't saying much. A few words here and there, maybe two-word sentences... but now! It seems like it happened overnight and now she's a little chatterbox. We have the funniest conversations every day. I can't even remember all that I think I won't forget - I need to write it down constantly. I just couldn't wait for this day! It's so fun. I just wish she could stay two forever... minus the temper tantrums, the not listening, the frequent reprimanding... you know, just the cute parts. :)

Garage Sales are fun

I was down at my folks' house over the weekend helping with the first garage sale of the season. I say the "first" because my mom claims she wants to have at least 4 or 5. Riiiight. We'll see about that.

The truth is, I love HAVING garage sales way more than I like going to them. I think it's so fun and interesting. First, even though we wake up feeling sooo tired, it's just so fun getting ready for it the night before. For whatever reason, my sisters and mom and I think everything is funny, and really, there isn't anything much funnier than finding things to put in a garage sale. With us, anyway. Most people probably don't think it's funny, but somehow, it's a regular comedy routine on garage sale eve. Ohhh the stories I could tell... and maybe I will.

But mostly, I love watching who buys what. I always feel just a tad guilty selling my junk to others. I don't want it, so why would someone else? We made fun of Amy's Christmas cactus hand towels, and wouldn't you know it... the first sale of the day! That old man thought they were pretty stinkin' cool. I made fun of Abby for selling half used bottles of bubble bath and shower gel... that stuff sold like hotcakes! I always wonder if these people are desperate for this stuff and they find it for so cheap they can't resist, or if they can't afford it unless they find it at a garage sale, or if they just love a good bargain... or what?! I don't get it. We had PILES of old, outdated, gently used clothes and I can't believe it sold so well.

I just love watching all of the people at garage sales. I love watching them "hunt" for things. I love bargaining with them for the good price. (Really, they feel so much better when they get something for 25 cents rather than 50 cents.) I love watching couples interact. (The fact that women can get their husbands to go garage saling with them impresses me. Gary would rather... do just about anything!) I love watching my mom trying to communicate with the Spanish-speaking customers. Now THERE'S a good laugh!

I loved every second. :)

My mom suggested having the next one on my birthday. C'mon, mom. I don't love them THAT much. On second thought...

ABC's

My friend Cam had this on her blog, and being the copy-cat that I am, now it's on mine!

A is for Age - 28, but I'll be 29 in just a few weeks!

B is for Beer of choice - Uhhh... root beer? I don't drink Beer.

C is for Career - I'm lucky enough to have my dream job - I'm a stay at home mom!

D is for Dog's name - Well, his name was Obie (short for Obadiah) but he has a new home now.

E is for Essential item you use every day - Contacts

F is for Favorite Songs at the Moment - I haven't listened to much music lately...! How sad.

G is for Game you play - Scrabble (or "Literati" as it's called on Yahoo games - come play with me!)

H is for Hometown - Highlands Ranch.

I is for Instrument you play - Piano & Flute

J is for favorite Juice - Raspberry Apple

K is for Kids - Emma & Addie

L is for Living arrangement - I live in a house with my husband and two girls

M is for Mom's name - Kim

N is for Names of your last ex - Umm... this is up for debate! LOL!

O is for overnight hospital stays - Only after having my babies

P is for Phobias - Drowning, moths, mouse poop, mold

Q is for Quote you like -

R is for Regrets - Not graduating from college (my deep, dark secret!)

S is for Siblings - Two younger sisters, Amy and Abby

T is for Time you wake up - Ugh! Somewhere around 6 or earlier. How did this night owl get two early risers?

U is for Unique trait - I have a fairly vivid imagination that makes me see things much differently than others. I can find humor in just about anything!

V is for Vegetable you love - Green beans. Mmmmmmm!

W is for Worst traits - I'm one of those "late" people you all know and love.

X - is for XRays you've had - I think only my teeth at routine dental exams.

Y is for Yummy food you make - I made some mean ribs the other night!

Z is for Zodiac sign - Gemini, but I don't like or follow horoscopes so it means nothing to me.

Being a friend... being a mom

I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with a blog! I'm going to try to be more consistent now though. A few things have slowed down around here with the year ending, and I'm really hoping to get into a routine. I have all these things I want to do on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis... right now I'm trying to figure out a way to get my life a little more organized! More to come about that... stay tuned.

Well! My first in-real-life friend is now reading my blog. Hi Michelle! I felt rather anonymous before since the only people who even knew about my blog were people who would find the link from my message boards, or my on-line mom friends. But I'm so happy that Michelle knows about my really exciting blog now. I hope it gives you a giggle every once in awhile!

Speaking of Michelle, I got to spend a few hours with her and another friend today and we had a GREAT time. We did the yuppie mom thing and pushed our strollers around the mall with kids in tow, stopping at Orange Julius to end the day. SO FUN. With six kids all 2 and under, it was a little chaotic at times, but those kiddos were troopers. I wish I did that kind of thing more... I "know" so many other moms, but I don't know if I'm really qualified to call them friends. I don't feel like I'm a good friend. I always feel really intimidated to call people, because I think that they probably don't want to talk with me or hang out with me. I know that's probably not true, but it keeps me from reaching out to girls I'd really love to know better. I call all of these girls my friends, but I rarely see them or talk to them outside of an organized kind of setting (MOPS, church, etc.). I'm really going to work on reaching out and learning how to "befriend" and be a better friend to people. I think I forget that friendship takes work - it's not like we're in school anymore and will just naturally spend lots of time together to grow those deep friendships. You have to work at it. I love the friendship that Michelle and I have... we seem to be able to pick up wherever we left off, even when it's been weeks (or months!) between talking or seeing eachother. It's effortless, and yet there's still sooo much friendship yet to discover! I love it. And Michelle, I'm not just writing this because you might read it someday... I just sort of spewed. That can't surprise you though! :)

Well! I got way side-tracked. What I keep meaning to blog about so I don't forget are a few short little Emma stories. That way I won't forget them.

Short Nap: Over the weekend, Gary's folks were visiting and Margaret was putting Emma down for a nap. She had on jeans and a top - nothing special. I think it was late in the day, so Margaret told her, "You're just going to take a short nap, okay?" Well, nothing gets by Emma. She immediately hopped out of bed to change into shorts. Afterall, she was taking a SHORT nap, right? She cracks me up.

Ms. Understood: (Didja like that, Cam?) Also over the weekend, I had a bout of some 24-hour bug that caused me to throw up a couple of times. Yuck. Well, as a result, I felt all achy and hurty. Yes, hurty. Anyway, we were all eating lunch the next day and Margaret asked how I was feeling, and I said that my whole body hurt. Later that day, Emma grabbed my crotch (!) and said, "Potty hurt, mom?" I almost died laughing. It was just as funny the second time... and still pretty darn funny the third!

Here are a couple of cute pictures from Mother's Day. One of Addie's toes in my flowers... her toes are perfect and so sweet. The other one is my mom and dad with the girls. I wish I would've gotten one with my mom and ME and my girls. Oh well... the other 300 we took on Sunday will have to suffice.




























And then just two cute ones of my girls. I'm pretty biased... but they're pretty cute. Life is good being a mom to them.

Spring at last!

Today was a good day! Spring has sprung, and I can even see some green little buds on the tree next door when I peer over the fence. Hooray! Emma and I played Chutes and Ladders out on the deck today under the umbrella. It was so relaxing. What a sweet time to spend with her, even if she's confused and wants to go down all the slides in the game. LOL! It does seem backwards, though, doesn't it? Why would the reward be to go UP a ladder and the punishment to go DOWN a slide? :)

Tomorrow my parents are coming up to help with "Operation Purple Bathroom" to undo the 'surprise' Gary left for me a year ago. When we talked about a purple bathroom, we apparently had two different ideas in mind. With him coming home on Friday... I thought I'd take this opportunity to redo it. Hope he's not too mad! Right now it's a very high-gloss (yikes) dark, vibrant purple. Tomorrow by this time it will be a soothing greenish-gray shade of "Manatee Grey". Ahhhh... can't wait.

So I'm a little early for Thursday's challenge, but here goes!

Challenge: Do you have a special place/places in your home, where you consider it to be your sanctuary?? You know what I mean, that special place FOR YOU, where you feel cuddled, loved, warm and fuzzy, and at peace?

It would have to be Emma's room. We took so much time to make it just right. Despite so many late nights nursing, calming crying babies and changing stinky diapers, this room is so restful and precious to me. I think it's because I've spent so much time in there with my precious babies, living my dream come true. I can sit in there where it's quiet and smells like my girls (in a good way!) and feel so relaxed and full. Not to mention it's so BEAUTIFUL! I dreamed it up and Gary made it happen. What a team.

Two reasons to smile

Is it Friday yet?

Gary will be home Friday and I cannot wait! After two weeks of him away, I'm exhausted. I'm just totally fried. I have no idea how single, working moms do it. I'm ready for him to be home AND I'm ready to be done with this temporary tax job! Ugh! BO-RING!

Last week was awful. I'm not sure anyone will ever know how down I felt or how dark everything seemed. I was so surprised at how ugly I could be... in my thoughts, in my actions... I did not like who I was at all. I can't explain it. Thankfully that little slump is over, and the last few days have been great. I'm admittedly pooped beyond belief with Gary away, but it seems God has given me an extra dose of patience that I desperately needed. (I mean, DESPERATELY!) It seems He's also teaching Emma how to obey, which makes her much more pleasant to be around! We've had so much fun giggling and playing the last few days. I even bought her Chutes and Ladders today... I cannot wait to play it tomorrow!

Well, I thought I'd take a minute to do one of the challenges I always read about at 2Peas and rarely do. Here we go!

Use your blog to write about YOUR HOPES AND WISHES for YOU. No one else. Not your kids. Not your better half. Not friends and family. But your hopes and wishes for YOU and you alone. What are they? Do you have any? What are YOUR hopes and wishes? YOUR dreams? Elaborate as you wish. Remember, this one is all about YOU. You matter. How you feel counts. What your deepest dreams, passions are. Write them down. Get specific. Imagine.

It's really hard for me to seperate ME from my FAMILY. They are so much a part of me. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a mommy. Not a doctor, not an actress, not a dancer... A MOMMY. I'm a wife first, and then a mommy, and I couldn't be happier. Before my kids were born, I learned to take my job as a wife seriously, to love my husband just as God wants me to. Now that I'm a mommy at last, my heart just feels like it's bursting with love, and somehow my heart grows as my family does. I didn't think that was possible!

So what are my hopes and wishes for ME? Simply that I would be the best wife and mommy I can be. Really! Sounds cheesy, I know. The moment my first baby was born I felt like I had finally fulfilled my purpose here on earth. I'm just made to be a mom. I have days where I'm pretty crummy at it (lots of those days), but in the end, if I can look back and see that my kids love and respect me despite all the mommy mistakes I made, then I'll feel like I did a good job.

But if you want a more tangible answer...
I wish I had a 1 3/4" square punch.
I wish my bedroom was yellow.
I wish I could buy a new wardrobe.
I wish Michelle still lived here.
I hope I get courage to tell my friends about Jesus.
I wish my scrapbooking area was cleaner and more organized.
I hope I can get my bathroom repainted before Gary gets home.
I hope Gary cleans up all the mice poop in the basement when he gets home... it gives me the creeps.
I hope I go to bed before 1 a.m. tonight!!!

To do... or not to do

Worked this morning... blech.
Two sick kiddos... blech.
Synchronized naptimes... HOORAY!

Things I should be doing to take advantage of this time:

• Finishing my work project (should only take 20 minutes or so... what am I waiting for?)
• Write a few thank you notes that are overdue
• Upload some pics to get developed
• Do my Bible Study
• SCRAPBOOK - since I'm always longing to do it and complain I don't have the time
• Make my grocery shopping list
• Put that load of stuff into the dryer
• Iron (I loathe ironing though)
• Replace the batteries on Addie's swing... that she's asleep in!
  

Instead, I know I'll spend my time UNwisely reading blogs and catching up on my message boards. Seems like a waste of time, but it makes me happy! LOL

...and wouldn't you know it... the *thump* from upstairs tells me that Emma is NOT asleep afterall. Arghhh!! LOL... serves me right. 15 free minutes and I wrote about what I should be doing. LOL... never fails!!!! :)

Happy Day!

I told Emma to say "Happy St. Patrick's Day" the other day, and like she does with any other holiday, she merrily said, "Happy Day-eee!" (The "Day" part is very high-pitched.) Anyway, we celebrated the Green Day (I kept thinking of Shana all day when I told Emma it was Green Day) in fine fashion.


And also, today is Addie's FIVE month birthday. So here she is. What a doll.

She's getting so big and fun and smiles so easily. I adore her... maybe as much as Emma does. It's hard to say. :)

*love*

Being Thankful

I've noticed that I'm really kind of down and out lately. I feel really "blue." I don't know that I've really understood "blue" before, but it describes how I feel. I couldn't figure it out for awhile, but I think I've figured out why I'm so low lately...

Gary was home with us for over 3 months while he was on Sabbatical. WHAT A GIFT from God! I was so apprehensive at first... he would be HOME for three months straight?! I worried about him feeling like he was on Sabbatical from everything - work, stuff at home, being a husband and dad, etc. I worried about him kicking up his feet for three months while my whirlwind household circulated around him. It wasn't that way at all. The Lord really had His hand on the last three months. I watched our marriage strengthen, his bonds with the girls grow stronger, and I noticed great changes in his demeanor and attitude. But then suddenly a couple weeks ago, he had to go back to work. It was kind of bittersweet because admittedly, it is nice to get back into some kind of rhythm and routine, but it was so nice having him home. So now I think I'm just in some kind of funk with him being gone. Having extra hands at home was so nice, and just having his company was great. Such a departure from our normal lives where we never have time together. I have to get used to him being at work again and not let myself feel so down about it. We had a luxury that not many other people can boast of, and I'm so thankful for it.

I think my funk can also be attributed to the fact that this is the time of year that I work a little bit by helping out a few days a week in a tax office until tax day is here. It wouldn't be so bad except that I'm working more than I'd bargained for. Thankfully Gary's job is flexible enough that he's able to stay home with the girls (it just means we see that much less of each other when he has to work late to make up for it). Initially my boss had asked for 2 days a week for 4 hours or so. But here I am, with 4 weeks to go, working 3 days a week for 5+ hours each time, and he's alluded to wanting more of me. Argh! The extra money is nice - it's the only reason I'm doing it - but I hate being away from my girls that much. We definitely need the extra money, and the bonus at the end is VERY generous, but it's hard. We feel like the Lord has placed this opportunity in front of us right when we needed it, so it was hard to pass up since we can make it work. There's no way I'd do it if it meant putting the girls in daycare, in fact, I think the time Gary has with them while I'm away is good for all of them. Most of the time I'm missing their naptime anyway, so they probably don't realize I'm gone as much as I am. ALL THIS TO SAY... I'm so thankful to be a SAHM. I've never taken it for granted and I realize it's a situation not everyone has available to them. I just have to keep looking at this 8-week period that I work as temporary, and see it as a sacrifice for my family at very little expense. Thanks, Lord, for giving me a hard-working, caring husband who values me as a mom, and the GIFT of being a SAHM. Enough of this tax stuff... I love my "real" job!!!

Dude, get it together

I blamed it on pregnancy for the longest time...

And then I'd just had a baby...

But then Christmas came...

I guess I could always have an excuse, but I feel like my head just is NOT on STRAIGHT! What's my deal? I feel like I'm so forgetful and have a million+ things to do and don't do any of them. I'm frustrated with myself and feel like I let others down.

But then by the end of the day, I realize everything I DID do. I guess there are just so many things I want to do and so much that needs to be done that I'll always feel "behind." I guess that's good. I'll never be bored, at least.

Okay, I'm off to finish my Bible Study (I'm a few weeks behind), and then maybe I'll sweep (can't keep up with Emma's urge to 'decorate' the floor), and then maybe, just maybe I'll get a chance to cozy up with my scrapbook stuff... *sigh*

And then there was naptime...

Emma's new nickname: Boomerang.

Maybe naptime in the big girl bed isn't such a great idea. I lost track of how many times I put Emma back in her room after various visits to both mine and Addie's rooms. "Hi!" she would exclaim, as if I would be thrilled to see her at my door. Back she'd go, and the routine would start over again. "No, you can't have your beads (necklace) in bed with you. Yes, you can have your nightlight on. No, I don't know where your baby's hat is. Yes, Addie is sleeping. No, you can't stand on your bed..." And so it goes...

But then tonight she went down peacefully, and at my last bed check, she was zonked. And Addie went down without a peep. And Gary also went down without a fight. :) And the house is quiet.

I'm helping out in a tax office again this year - I'll be popping into help a couple dozen times between now and April 15th. It's painfully dry and boring, but the money is good and we sure can use it right now. Since we can work it that Gary stays home on the days I work for a few hours here and there, I'm okay with it. I was sad being away from them today, although I admit the break is nice. And I'm also glad to share my day-in and day-outs with Gary. It's good for him to know what it's like. :)

Tomorrow Gary's given me the day to go SCRAPBOOKING! Woo-hoo!!! I cannot wait. He's brave to do this two days in a row since he had the girls for about 5 hours today while I worked. Thankfully they were great for him; I hope tomorrow is the same. My sisters are meeting me at the scrapbook store, so I'm fully prepared to get nothing accomplished! Ha! I have a lot of LOs that are unfinished, so I'm hoping to at least finish up those loose ends and start some new pages I've got brewing in my brain. I'm sooooo excited!

Okay... I haven't done one of these before, but I'm going to do one of the challenges from the Scrapbooking message board I'm addicted to - 2Peas! Here goes...

Random challenge for Friday - list some fun facts about yourself.
- I have a freckle (or a mole?) right on the very tip of my nose. Perfectly centered.
- I love stale marshmallows.
- I'm afraid to stand on the drain in the shower.
- I love to make up words.
- I vowed to go to bed at 10:30 tonight and here it is... 11:53. Good night!

I'm not ready yet...

Big milestone tonight... A BIG GIRL BED!


I was a bit nervous to take this step, but Emma embraced it with the zeal she embraces life with. I guess I should've known! We made the awkward transition from her crib to her pack-n-play almost two months ago, only because we wanted to move the baby out of our room and into the crib. It probably felt weird for Em to move into a bed smaller than her crib, but it worked. We were amazed that night after night we'd remind her that she wasn't allowed to get out (because she SO could) until we came and got her in the morning. Each morning we were shocked that she'd be calling us from her room: "Mommy! Dad-deeeeeeeee! Out!" She disobeys us all day long, is constantly on the go, yet listens to and follows this simple command? It blows us away. She never once got out without our permission. But what would happen in a big girl bed...?

Tonight before her bath she helped us make up her new bed. She was so excited. I mean, SO EXCITED. We let her test it out and explained the rules. She said, "K." After her bath she was never so excited to go to bed! We tucked her in - after explaining the rules one more time - and said good night.

She didn't even want her old blankie.

She didn't care if the night light was on.

She was in her BIG GIRL BED.

With trepidation we left the room, wondering how long it would be before she would come downstairs and greet us. An hour later we snuck upstairs to check on her, and she was still awake, laying so still in that big bed. "'Night." she quietly said. We were stifling our giggles as we backed out of the room.

Not only were we surprised that the nightlight we had left ON was now OFF (the nightlight that she was SO excited about just a few weeks ago), but she had stayed in bed and was still awake.

I'm not ready for her to be a big girl yet. I'm not ready for her to not need her blankie or her nightlight. I was secretly hoping she'd put up a fight. But at the ripe old age of 2 years and 3 months old, I guess she's growing up. Just stay little, Emma. Stay little!

Gidee-yup!

Well, for starters, my parents and I took my little Emma-doll to the National Western Stock Show and Rodeo this weekend. YEEE-HAWWW! We had so much fun. I always had this dream of marrying a cowboy and each year when I go to the rodeo I remember why! I think I'm going to suggest next year that in addition to the cow exhibit, the sheep exhibit, the horse exhibit... that they need to have a cowboy exhibit. We get to talk to and pet the animals, so why not the cowboys? Okay, I'm KIDDING!!!! Sort of. Okay, I'm not kidding.

Anyway, there really is this soft spot in my heart for all things cowboy-ish, right down to the cute little black boots Emma was wearing. How ridiculous is it that I started crying when the rodeo started? I was hoping my mom and dad wouldn't look over and notice that I was all teary. There's just something about the sounds and the smells (ooohhh how I love the smell of cow manure - no, really!) that just makes me so happy and makes me feel all romantic or something. It makes sense in my head.

In other news... we had company over Sunday night. They're dear friends of ours, but we don't get together with them very often. I really don't think they'd ever leave judging us at all, but I felt like a mommy-failure by the time they left. We offered their 20-month old son juice - "Oh, we don't give our son juice. He only drinks water." Strike one. It was too late to explain that we water Emma's down. A ton. So then we urged Emma to play with him, and she ran over and turned on the TV. Strike two. So I'm making the pasta and boiled it over. Okay, not a big deal, it's just that that's when they caught the fact that I was making Pasta-Roni. Oh yeah, that's right, Pasta-Roni. I'm no Martha Stewart. I don't cook. "Pasta-Roni?" our guests commented. "I don't think they sell that at Whole Foods." Strike Three. Follow all of that with a night of out-of-control Emma and I just breathed a sigh of relief when they left!

I don't know what Emma's deal is lately, but I'm about ready to ask if I can trade my two-year-old in for two one-year-olds. Do they make deals like that? Seriously, I don't know what to do with her. I'm taking a great parenting class right now that talks about the freedoms that are appropriate for each age, and I'm afraid we've been giving Emma more freedoms than she can handle and now we're paying for it. I need to process all I've learned, but I'm pretty sure we've dug ourselves a hole that's gonna take a lot of work and perseverance to get out of. But we can do it. Last night was the struggle that broke Gary and I. After hours of her crying and screaming because she didn't want to go to bed, we just looked at each other feeling so helpless and out of patience! As I lay (laid? layed? lied?)in bed last night chewing over the day and reviewing my options as to how to control my little girl, I committed to praying for her every day. I pray for her now, but I need to be more intentional about it because I can't do this on my own. If I do my part, I'm confident I'll begin to see changes in her... and me.

Take Two

I just started over. I had this whole thing written and then thought, "This is lame!" Seriously... who wants a play by play of my day? Not even I do! So enough of that... I'm just going to write some random thoughts.

Emma's favorite new phrase: "Wight Dare" - that's "Right There" for those unfamiliar with Emma-speak. She doesn't talk a lot still, but she's talking more every day. Today I heard "wight dare" a million times. The chicken nugget goes "wight dare"... her shoes go "wight dare"... Addie should go "wight dare"... the puzzle piece goes "wight dare"... I love it.

She came downstairs yesterday morning and saw Gary's big book on the table that he left behind and didn't take to class. She said, "Oh no!" She lugged this big, heavy book to the front door yelling, "Daddy! Wait! Daddy! Wait!" The day before it was his shoes - "Daddy! Wait! Shoes!" (This hours after he'd left.) Oh, sweet Emma! I just had to scoop her up and hug her.

Oh! Proud moment of the YEAR... Yesterday morning I got Emma settled in at the table for breakfast and ran upstairs to get Addie who was crying. I came back down and sat on the couch to nurse Addie when I looked over at the table and noticed Emma hadn't begun eating yet. She said, "Mommy, sit!" and I told her I would come over and eat in a minute. At that point she folded her hands, bowed her head and said something only she and God will ever understand, followed by "May-men." My heart just soared!

One last thought: As I got dressed this morning, I looked at my ho-hum closet and REALLY wish I could afford to do a whole wardrobe makeover - everything either looks the same or is old and out of style. So I threw on my old jeans (no complaint there) and half-zip fleece. My tennies completed my ensemble. Blah. And then it dawned on me that this was the outfit I was wearing about two years ago when I went out for a day of errands. I only remember because I went into the Gap that day and a lady who worked there looked me up and down and said, "Oh honey, you really should get some new clothes. You're a new mom but you don't have to dress like one." SHEESH! Feeling bad enough about myself that day, she pressured me into getting a Gap credit card (doh!), along with a few items I shouldn't have afforded (and later returned). I left the store that day in tears, determined to call Gap to complain and cancel the card. I laughed this morning when I remembered that. Oh, those first fragile weeks of motherhood. So then today... I walk into the Gap. This all-too-familiar voice from behind me says, "I see it's time to freshen up your wardrobe... can I help you find something?" EEE-GADS! It was her. I knew I should've called...

It's official

Well... here we go!

I'm not sure why I suddenly decided TONIGHT that I needed to start a blog. I'm tired. It's late. I have nothing interesting to say. But who knows; maybe this will be just the outlet I need. I've always kind of thought blogs were kind of silly... why would you want someone reading your personal thoughts? But then I started reading some, and I take back all my negative blog thoughts. No, really! Some make me laugh, some make me really think, and some just inspire my creative side which I've really gotten a lot of joy from in the past year.

So, we'll see. I'm a blogger now... it's official.